Since submitting my PhD thesis this past Thursday—an accomplishment that I will not be ready to fully take in until I defend it—I have been ruminating on the things that I own, my possessions, the things that are of me, that are mine. The PhD is the quintessential piece of evidence that I have been blessed with an intellect, with a sharp and rational mind. It is this that has made me into the young man of science and letters that I am today. That is unquestionable. My intellect, and the faculties it consists of, are mine. And I am not modest enough to deny that they distinguish me from a fair proportion of people. But, are they the most important things that I possess?
I am not a rich person, or a poor one. I want for nothing and I want nothing—nothing physical I mean, nothing that I can buy. I am quite content with my financial status and will be happy with it as I earn more income in the future (which will happen as a natural consequence of my progressing in my professional career as a scientist and nothing more). So, my things of financial worth, they are not the most important things I have because I don't value them that highly.
But when I think of the people in my life.... The story then changes. What do people (my friends and family I specifically mean here) give me? They give me companionship, friendship, understanding, hope and love. They give me love. I have love. No, I have certain kinds of love, and they are all important to me. But, the most important?
No, not these various kinds of love, but all-encompassing love. The love ultimate. I mean the love of one other (in my case, anyway). The love that I have been searching for since I finally began to understand what it was and that I needed it. You see, everything I own and have gives me tone and nuance. Love, however, gives me meaning. Love, to me, is the most important thing. The only thing I think I really want in my life. The thing that will save me from a life of just tone and nuance. Love is what will free me. Free me from myself—because I am too much of myself. You see, everything and everyone in life constitute things and persons that you interact with, that you have exchanges with. You share these things or you share yourself with others. That, however, is not the case with love, the love I mean. With the love I mean, the love ultimate, you have an ownership that is not just your own: it is an ownership of two parties, you and the one you love. This is very different from all else I've been talking about because love, by definition, cannot be unless it is a thing owned by two others. Therefore, the most important thing for me is not what I have or what I possess. The most important thing is what I and another would possess, would have. Love is not a thing of single possession. It is shared... no–it is co-owned. And that to me is what I desire most, what I want most, what I need most.
M. M. — 28-Feb-2016
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