Possibility

Limitations. Today I realised just how entrenched in my psyche limitations are. Lately I've been considering my own happiness and whether I'm doing all that I can to nurture it. I've realised that (for lack of a better word) "attaining" my happiness is blocked by certain barriers. And I don't mean barriers in the physical or external world; I mean the boundaries that enclose me and bar me from going forward, toward all the things that I want and all the things I believe are necessary for my being happy. I can see the man I would be if I were completely happy—or rather the versions of myself where I am replete with happiness and the scenarios that would allow that to happen. But certain things prevent me from becoming that man.

It's unimportant to detail what those things are, rather, it is that I'm now very conscious of how...insubstantial...they now seem to me. These limitations, I feel, could be toppled so easily...and yet they are the most stalwart impediments that I push against every damn day. But to take an example, I'm constantly being torn between my emotional mind and my rational mind. Between my "weaponised" logic and my primal emotion. And although I don't believe reason and emotion to be mutually exclusive (that makes no sense to me), I find it quite difficult to find the right "balance" such that both work for and not against my well-being.

But to return to this idea of insubstantiality: what is it? Why do I feel these limitations in my head could be knocked down with a simple push of the hand? That I could attain this happiness that I so desire? It is the possibility of happiness. That's what it is. It is that it is possible to break through the barriers in my mind, that I can fight for what I want. It is that I have the drive, the capability and the will to become the man I fantasise about. And there it is: the groundwork for the manifestation of the Will. That is, the inherent, and limitless, volition within me—within all of us—that steers our very souls.

M.M. — 06-May-2015